In honor of upcoming Oscar Night, aka 6-hour snack-a-thon at our place, I’ve compiled my latest milk and soy (and egg) free finds. You guys, the food companies are doing the work for us, engineering foods like “butter” and “eggs” out of the equation and replacing it with…oils, flours, and congealants? I don’t know. Don’t look too closely, just accept the avalanche of deliciously bad-for-you food with a grateful smile.

It doesn’t appear at the top of my list here, but note: PILLSBURY CRESCENT ROLLS ARE VEGAN. I REPEAT: PILLSBURY CRESCENT ROLLS ARE VEGAN. This totally beats the time I realized Oreo’s were dairy-free.

Is your mind blown yet? Keep reading:

1. Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popping Corn Smartpop! Kettle Corn and Natural Simply Salted. The Smartpop! Kettle Corn is made with soybeal oil, though, so watch out if you’re avoiding that. Also, their regular Kettle Corn (not Smartpop!) has butter in it, so make sure to find the Smartpop! brand. Online ingredient lists also tell me there’s a single-serving kettle corn product that is also dairy-free, but I can’t find it online.

2. Superpretzel Soft Pretzels and Soft Pretzel Bites. Also: no soybean oil! This is also useful to know when you’re out and about, since a lot of vendors sell Superpretzel pretzels. (It’s pretty much the only food I can get for Bean at a food court.)

3. PILLSBURY ORIGINAL CRESCENT ROLLS. Creepy, but fantastically true. Butter, egg, and soy-free (although made with soybean oil). Now, the other similar products (orange rolls, biscuits) aren’t dairy and soy free, so make sure to check labels before you buy anything. We rolled these up with cinnamon and sugar for Super Bowl snacks.

4. Immaculate Baking Crescent Rolls. These also “may” contain soybean oil, but a much better option if you’re worried about hydrogenated oils. Their allergen list also notes “may contain milk,” which may not work for some of you.

5. Pillsbury Refrigerated Pie Crust. HUGE disclaimer: this does contain something called “partially hydrogenated lard” so…do with that what you will. It is otherwise totally dairy, egg, and soy-free. Not even soybean oil! But, lard. (Immaculate Baking Pie Crust has dairy in it, boo.)

Late Addition: Mrs. Smith’s Pie Crusts are also mostly milk and soy-free (they have soybean oil, but no lard), and I’ve heard Whole Foods brand pie crust is vegan but can’t find an ingredient list.

6. Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge and Spice Cake Mixes. Both contain soybean oil. (Because it’s in everything.) Otherwise, you’ll have a lot of luck checking out the Duncan Hines chocolate mixes. Many of them are dairy-free. If you also need it to be egg-free, you can use applesauce (1/4 cup applesauce + 1tsp baking soda=1 egg) or Egg Replacer.

7. Kite Hill Cream Cheese Style Spread. I’ve written about this before, and I still swear by it.

A lot of this food is (very) unhealthy, but sometimes, even when you’re on a food intolerance diet, you want a little junk food in your life. Happy Oscar-snacking!