I know! Flying with children! It’s the worst!

So, I think the proper way to go into this is to realize that it’s going to be stressful, and to stick to basics and power through and just get to your destination. There are a lot of complicating factors, for perhaps you and your kid. Some factors have solutions; other factors you just have to accept.

That’s actually one piece of very solid advice I got from a friend before our first flight with Bean. Ready? “She’s going to cry.” Aren’t you glad we got that out of the way? “She’s going to cry. And maybe she’ll stop, and maybe she won’t stop, but in either case, crying will happen.” Once that bubble is burst, it’s easier to move on.

Other than that, my own piece of advice is to stick to your normal schedule and routine as much as you can. If the pattern is, nap then wake then bottle then diaper change? Stick to that exact routine, even at 38,000 feet. Things are totally out of whack for your kid, and she probably already woke up early to get to the airport and her naps are probably off and this is A LOT of hubbub and activity for a little person. Making sure that routines are still going the same way they always do helps your kid feel like at least somethings are normal.

On a related note, wait until you’ve landed to adjust your watches. If the schedule is lunch at noon, then nap, then snack at 3:30, stick to those exact times as much as you can as you race through airports, board flights, and get bags. We’ve even done our night time routine on a flight (including brushing teeth and changing into pajamas!) to keep things moving as normal.

Oh, and yes, bring all the lovies and security blankets you can stuff in your bag. You want to assure your kid that everything’s ok.

You’ve probably already read that ascents and descents are the worst times on a flight with young children. Their ears are popping and they have no idea about the swallow-and-it’ll-feel-better thing. So, crying instead works for them. The key is to get them eating or drinking during those times. When Bean still nursed, I nursed. Once she could take a bottle, I’d give her a bottle.

A catch is that sometimes, the poor child won’t be feeling very hungry or thirsty and will reject all food and beverage and then SCREAM OH MY GOD MY EARS MOMMY MY EARS. And when you lovingly present her with a raisin, to help her ears feel better: GET THAT RAISIN OUT OF MY FACE CAN’T YOU SEE MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE, PRIORITIES WOMAN. You can’t rationalize with a baby or toddler. So, our trick is to keep upping the ante on what snacks we present. For a while, raisins were a novelty and we’d present her with her own box of raisins (!) as we began the descent. Then raisins became ho-hum and she rejected them and OW OW OW. Next flight: dried blueberries. And now I make sure to treat them like the extra special treat they are, and only buy dried blueberries when we’re flying somewhere. Problem solved. For now.

We’ve talked about specific toy recommendations before. For weeks beforehand, I’ll hide anything that’s a supergreat airplane toy, so that when I bring it out on the flight, she’s psyched to see it. I also read about a trick to buy new toys for the flight, and present something new at the top of every hour. This has only half-worked for us, since some new toys are going to be duds and then you’re stuck carrying around some toy in your luggage that you thought would be superfantasticawesome, and your toddler has decided is not.

Speaking of toys and playing, we prefer to A) buy Bean her own seat and B) not take a car seat with us. This gives her an entire seat to herself to play with, and she can walk around the floor in front of us and use her seat as a table. Babies and toddlers need to move and getting her a seat gives her space to move around in. Also, it also gives her space to lay down and take a nap. (We took a car seat on our last trip, and oh my God, NEVER AGAIN. She was so confined and miserable, and if not confined we had this gargantuan thing to maneuver around. Read here about our tricks for never having to bring a car seat.)

Yeah, the hardest of the hard: naps. You might have a kid that can sleep anywhere. That will serve you well. You may also have a kid or baby that likes to sleep in your arms. That will also serve you well. And then you may have a child that you sleep trained to only sleep in their own space, on their own, without your intervention, and then you might be totally screwed.

Which brings us back to that first point: your baby or toddler is going to cry.

Tomorrow, I’m going to pick up here with another set of complicating factors: you.