Last week, I wrote about how I had decided to stop transporting my toddler around. You know, when she started playing a game of chase on her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth, if she was fumbling trying to get into her car seat BY YOUSELF. Etc.

All of that is well and nice, but then it leaves a gaping void: well, how do I actually get her into the bathroom then? Here are the techniques I’ve come up with. Some are cribbed from Montessori From the Start, others from the New First Three Years of Life.

 

1. Catch their attention before they leave the table/their room/the bathroom/the kitchen.

This comes courtesy of Montessori From the Start. My goal is to teach Bean to push in her chair after she’s finished eating. Lillard and Jessen recommend dealing with this kind of thing immediately, before they’ve had a chance to run away. So, as soon as Bean’s feet touch the ground, I bring up the chair so as to focus her attention on the chair before she’s moved onto more pressing matters, like spinning in circles or running down the hall.

This has been pretty effective. If she’s standing right next to her chair, it is SO VERY MUCH more likely that she’ll push the thing in, than if she’s already to the living room. This also works for anything that you want to immediately follow the next thing. Remind her to rinse her mouth just as she’s putting her toothbrush down, remind her to wash her hands just as she’s getting down from the potty, etc.

 

3. Instead of traditional reminders, the fake-surprise tactic (Or, note first, then direct.)

This was implemented by Bean’s Montessori teacher. Instead of saying things like, “Bean, push in your chair please” or “Bean, take your shoes off, please,” go instead with the fake surprise. “Oh! Your chair is still pushed out!” Or, “Oh! You’re still wearing your shoes!” You can imagine all of the scenarios: “Oh! Your toys are still all over the floor.” “Oh! It’s not time for playing, it’s time to brush your teeth.” “Oh! You don’t have a napkin!” “Oh! You spilled water on the floor.” Whenever you want to say “PLEASE DO X PLEASE OH MY GOD” try resorting to fake surprise instead.

This has been highly effective in avoiding the toddler battles. It takes a bit of the wind out of her looking-for-a-battle sails. And then sometimes, I truly am surprised (at usually something I’ve forgotten to do “Oh! I forgot your socks.”) And she finds this extremely funny. She’s also began mimicking my “Oh!”s, which means I must resort to this a LOT.

I’ve said before that a toddler seems to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. By shifting her focus with your surprise, you get her attention (and hopefully compliance.)

 

4. Give her a chance to correct before jumping in

Related to #3, give her a chance to ignore your surprise before you launch into directing. Usually, just noting the thing will result in her fixing it. “Oh! Your chair is still pushed out” will sometimes lead her to push in her chair. “Oh! Your chair is still pushed out, let’s push in your chair” is a subtle difference but brings out the toddler contrariness.

 

5. Figure out where her attention is, and shift it to where you need it to be

When I’m helping Bean get dressed, she’s often reaching for toys, reaching for books, playing with my hair, basically doing anything but getting dressed. Instead of shoving her arms into holes (not exactly transporting her, but a corollary to it), I now call her attention to the body part that I need to move. “Ok, Bean, this arm.” and I tap her arm until she looks at it. Once I’ve gotten her attention, it’s much easier to get her to then put her own arm into a sleeve.

Likewise, if she needs to climb up the stool to brush her teeth, I’ll point out the stool to her. If she needs to brush her teeth, I’ll point out to her where her toothbrush is. (Remember, this is all instead of picking her up and putting her on the stool or picking up the toothbrush and forcing it in her face.) I feel that by shifting her focus with words, it’s less disruptive to whatever is going on in her toddler head, the reason I wanted to stop transporting her.

 

6. Wait it out

And sometimes, toddlers just take a while. It is much quicker for me to plop her on her stool. Obviously. Because I’m a grown adult. She’s a little clumsy still and takes a little longer to physically accomplish certain tasks. Be patient. (It’s so hard! But be patient. She’ll only get better at it by practicing.)

If she’s stopped the progression to stare at something on the wall or sink, either let her focus on that for a while or resort to #5 to get her to resume.

 

7. Use her need for attention to your advantage

This comes courtesy of Dr. Burton White. A toddler obsessively wants your attention (no, duh). I usually get stuck giving her more attention when she’s misbehaving than when she’s doing well. (Please tell me you do this, too.)

So, using the chair example again, when she runs off in a game of chase down the hall, instead of chasing after her, sit there and stare at the chair. (Or, if you’re trying to get her dressed, sit there and stare at her clothes in her room.) It’s basically the best toddler lure. She will come back, looking for your attention, and then you can let her know what you need.

 

8. When all else fails, tell her you’re going to pick her up

This one works like an absolute charm. “Bean, Mommy says it is time to brush your teeth and you are not listening and playing with your toys instead. So, Mommy’s going to pick you up and bring you to the bathroom.” I usually don’t even get a chance to finish the sentence before she’s off and running to the bathroom.

 

9. Finally, accept that sometimes, it’s not going to work out

Just because my goal is to stop transporting her, it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped. It’s just my goal. Sometimes, she may be too far gone in toddler overtired delirium or she’s been challenging me the entire day and I know it’s futile to ask her to push in her chair. Give yourself a break, and push in the chair yourself, and get her off to bed as quickly as possible. It’s fine, you can try again tomorrow.

 

This all might sound ridiculous, but it has worked wonders for our mornings. We have literally shaved 30-45 minutes off the time it takes to get ready in the morning. I’d love to hear any techniques that you have too. There must be tons more out there.