It is a truism of parenting that sometimes, others know your kid better than you do. You’re just in it too deep, you know it too well, and it can be tough to see what’s right in front of you when you’re just trying to get through the day. And then some stranger waltzes along and is all, “she sure warms up after a few minutes!” You’re left staring at your kid in their wake all, “how did I not know this? That makes so much more sense.”

And so the maxim “following the child” is actually harder to live by than you’d think. Just when your kid is showing an interest in the alphabet, you find yourself thinking, “huh, she’s just throwing the letters everywhere, maybe she’s not ready for this, or it’s boring?” Or, presenting her with a new jigsaw puzzle, “hmph, she won’t sit still long enough to do this puzzle, she just keeps on chucking everything.” Or, bringing out a try of crayons and paper, and get frustrated as you watch her slowly roll them off the table one by one or,  even better, when she makes it rain crayon over your head. And then there’s the near constant admonishment not to throw toilet paper/stuffed animals/pillows/socks/jackets/anything this little child can get her dear hands on.

So, after FAR too many months of this, the lightbulb goes off: OH, you are practicing throwing things.

The problem is that throwing things is not exactly a thing that I wanted to be happening in our apartment. I consulted Dave on this one: “In my head, I’m seeing a ball made out of fabric, really lightweight, with a fabric tail trailing behind it so it can’t go too fast or topple anything?” “Like a penalty flag?” BINGO.

I bought a set of penalty flags off Amazon and they’ve been a favorite toy for the past two months. (This could also be an easy DIY. The flag is just a piece of square fabric, a packet of sand, cotton, and a twist tie. Or, you could just pay $2.50 and have them show up at your door.)

We toss them back and forth in her room, or practice tossing them into a basket, or she gives me a toy screwdriver and we play baseball (she pitches). She likes to throw them straight up and watch them fall down down down, laughing hilariously if one falls on her head. Because they’re so lightweight, there’s no possibility of getting hurt, or knocking over anything. Also, they always fly in a nice smooth, slow arch, so she’s even learning how to catch with them.

It’s always such a terrific feeling when you finally find something that perfectly aligns with your kid’s interests. They’re more engaged, and you see the learning process happen. Now, when I catch her chucking things across the room, I can steer her over to the penalty flags — no lecturing, just productive, respectful, and absorbing play.