OK.

We’re doing this.

Get back in the chair.

That guy on Supernanny did this over 100 times. I got this.

Ok, we have ten minutes until we need to leave for soccer.

She said potty time. She has not asked for potty time in 2 months. Do I put her on the potty and negate the calm down chair, or do I ignore her plea for potty time, thereby ensuring she never says it again?

She’s totally looking for an out. Sit down.

pleasedon’tpeeonthechair pleasedon’tpeeonthechair pleasedon’tpeeonthechair

Is sitting on her side ok? Or should I make her sit up straight. The kids on Supernanny slump down, right? Nanny Jo is fine with it.

Ok, sitting on  her side was the in-between step to rolling off the chair. No more sitting on her side.

I’m such a mean mom.

I’m one of those mean moms who doesn’t even know how mean she is.

She’s asking for daddy now. Darnit. I’m the worst.

Please just sit. Justsit justsit justsit.

You know, maybe she didn’t really bite me. I don’t think she meant to bite me. I’m pretty sure she was trying to kiss me and then her teeth got in the way.

You know, she’s a pretty good kid. Maybe I’m being too harsh.

Dear God, just sit in the chair.

I’m tired of getting bit, hit, and punched. I need to do something, right? I’ve been trying things for months, and nothing is working.

Get back. Sit.

Oh my God, she’s going to turn into one of those kids on Supernanny. You know the ones.

Sit sit sit sit.

Actually, I don’t think she’s capable of sitting still, even under good circumstances.

Is it 2 minutes or 1 minute? I thought the rule was a minute for every year.

Just SIT.

The Supernanny did 3 minutes for that one kid, though, and I’m pretty sure he was 4. Maybe 2 minutes is expecting too much. I’ll just do one minute. That seems like a good stretch.

She has no idea why I’m making her sit in this chair.

She’s like a ping pong ball.

This has turned into a game. She’s laughing.

I wonder if she can even get tired. She has to at some point, right?

SIT PLEASE.

Are we going to do this for hours?

Soccer starts in 5 minutes. It’s an hour class, we can be a little late.

What is the point of Time Out? It’s just turning into my willpower vs hers, right? What is that lesson?

The lesson is your mommy’s a meanie.

Ok, 20 seconds, we’re getting somewhere.

How do daycare people possibly enforce this? How do you do this when there’s a roomful of toddlers?

They are clearly miracle workers. They are amazing people.

Darnit. She really is incapable of sitting.

I’m winded. This is a work out. That Supernanny dad was a total wreck after this. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS.

Aren’t I just giving her more attention by doing this? Doesn’t that just feed the negative behavior?

I guess no soccer today.

Pleasesit pleasesit pleasesit. I really need you to sit right now, I’m tired of thinking about this.

She’s never going to sit still.

Ok.

Ok.

15 seconds. Pleasedon’tmove.

Ok.

Oh please don’t move please don’t move.

40 seconds.

Don’tmovedon’tmovedon’tmove.

Please dear God, don’t move.

Pleasepleasepleaseplease.

SHE DID IT. 60 SECONDS. OH THANK GOD.

Should I make her go 2 minutes? She’s really calm, she could do that.

SCREW THAT.

 

Addendum: This process took 45 minutes.

Addendum 2: She put herself in the calm down chair later that same evening, after just threatening to bite me. What’s that supposed to mean?

Addendum 3: My back and legs were sore for the next 3 days.