Health

The Importance of Friend-Time

Monday March 28, 2016

A group of friends and I have recently decided to start a bi-weekly lunch group. Google calendars and recurring invites have been set up. Coming from 5 different neighborhoods in the city and East Bay, we figured out an optimal location for all of us to get to. We had to plan around someone’s work-at-home days, and my preschool pick-ups. A particularly swamped friend blocked off her Thursday with warnings to colleagues that this was a hard date in her calendar.

All because we realized that some of us weren’t getting enough friend conversation in our occasional nights out, book club meetings, and weekend picnics. This really took on the urgency of a health issue.

Have you thought about how much actual friend conversation you get in on a standard week? As we’ve all inched into our 30s (fine, mid-30s)(fine, late-30s), careers have taken off, boyfriends and spouses have entered the picture, and for those of us with kids, well, friend time seems like the first thing that had to get cut out.

In a lot of ways, as a stay-at-home mom, I think I’ve been spared more than my working mom friends. I have a cohort of other stay-at-home moms, nannies, and work-at-home friends, who I chat with nearly all day long. And they are always game for an extended conversation of What’s the Deal With Naps at 3 or Wait, You Work Out? How Do You Possibly Manage That Because I Know Your Schedule or Let’s Talk About These New Jeans You Picked Up, and the classic: Tell Me Again How My Kid Will Be Fine If She Doesn’t Get Into This Fancy SF Preschool.

You know, random supportive friend conversations.

All of us have tightly scheduled days, so we force in conversation time wherever we can find it. By picking up prescriptions and toilet paper together. “Oh, you need to go to UPS too? Bean will be up at 3, let’s do it.” Or, we schedule our kids for the same baking class, and troubleshoot life woes between mixing the dry and wet ingredients. It’s not glamorous, but it gets the job done.

In a way, this is a lot like my piecemeal method of finding time to exercise. I truly think this is an emotional health issue, one that us women often don’t acknowledge or give due importance in light of all our other obligations (just like physical exercise!)

Do you find yourself hungering for more friend conversations? If you’re getting enough, how do you manage it, with all of your other responsibilities? Do you also have friend-dates at Walgreens?

2 Responses to “The Importance of Friend-Time”

  1. This has been hovering at the edges of my consciousness without really being identified… I’ve been thinking “I miss my old life” and didn’t quite understand why 🙂

       

    3/28/2016 at 6:18 pm

  2. Oh, I wish I could invite you over for a glass of wine! 🙁

    Six/seven months is about when that feeling hit me too, and also turned out to be when I joined my first-ever book club. Like coming out of the fog…I had no idea what real people even talked about anymore.

       

    3/28/2016 at 7:58 pm