I’ve had to do a lot of work around the apartment the pass few weeks, something Bean was none too happy about. Maybe because she’s an extrovert. Maybe because she’s a coddled first child. Maybe because it’s just plain more fun when someone else is playing too.

As toddlers are wont to do, the more I insisted she go in the living room and play by herself, the more she seemed to cling to me.

The light bulb went off after I gritted my teeth and told her to GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM NOW, and she cocked her head, looked at me with concern, and sat right on my lap and gave me a hug.

Clearly, verbal force wasn’t working at all. Toddlers play opposites all the time. In this case, it was actually true: by telling her to go away, repeatedly, she felt the need to be even closer.

So, light bulb moment went off, and instead I told her about Hug Time. (This is based off a book Bean’s grandma gave her when she was first born, Hug Time by Patrick McDonnell. It’s adorable and lyrical and in the end, Jules the kitten declares, “HUG TIME!” You should add it to your children’s book library; we all love it.)

It goes like this: Mommy’s going to be working in the bedroom. Bean is going to go play, but whenever you want, you can say Hug Time, and Mommy will stop and give you hugs, and then you have to go back to playing.

It’s so simple, and it worked like a charm.  Getting frustrated with her and pushing her away may have made her feel threatened and looking for reassurance. Telling her she could declare Hug Time whenever she wanted gave her a sense of control, knowing she could get comfort whenever she needed it…and so she went off to play by herself for hours. It’s continued this week.

It’s been remarkable. This was a child who previously would only play by herself for 10 minutes at a time. And she now plays by herself (with breaks for hugs) for hours. Fingers crossed it keeps working.

Let me know if you try it out too. Do you have any other tips/strategies for getting a toddler to leave your side?